


To Iwaizumi

by kavinsky



Category: Haikyuu!!, hq!! - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Melancholy, Second Person, i really relate to oikawa so i tried being in his head?, so it's just my own personal drabble that i thought i'd share
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4605840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kavinsky/pseuds/kavinsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You left your wallet in my bag during practice. When we met up at the park that night, you didn't say very much. You weren't as rough as usual and it surprised me, but I didn't really think anything of it at first. </p>
<p>At second glance, I was concerned. I assumed you were stressed or had had it out with your parents, but I was wrong. There was more, wasn’t there?</p>
<p>When we spoke, I felt like you weren’t even there.</p>
<p>I don't remember what the stars look liked, but they had more of your attention than me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Iwaizumi

**Author's Note:**

> just something i wrote up a couple months ago and decided to post since i finally, finally got an ao3 account. it's kind of like oikawa's thoughts, i guess. i'm always up for constructive criticism xx

I.

_You left your wallet in my bag during practice. When we met up at the park that night, you didn't say very much. You weren't as rough as usual and it surprised me, but I didn't really think anything of it at first._

_At second glance, I was concerned. I assumed you were stressed or had had it out with your parents, but I was wrong. There was more, wasn’t there?_

_When we spoke, I felt like you weren’t even there._

I don't remember what the stars look liked, but they had more of your attention than me. 

"Iwa-chan," I say, "I have your wallet." When you don’t answer, I drop my head to your shoulder and ask what’s so fascinating. 

"Hey," you say. It’s distracted, and you don’t notice my question, just my touch. Where are you? You take your wallet wordlessly when I hold it out and pocket it. Your hand lingers longer than it normally would, but I don’t say anything because I don’t mind.

I would rather interlock it with mine, but I’m sure you wouldn't, and that’s probably our biggest difference just now.

"Oikawa," you say my name quietly, "do you know what you're doing?"

I lift my head off of your shoulder to take a closer look at your expression. It's rare to see you so deep in thought. It was like you’re trying to take the answers you wanted from the heavens themselves. Maybe I feel too poetically inclined, or maybe your words drop too heavily on my shoulders, but I can’t think of a thing to say that would lighten the serious atmosphere coming off you.

"What do you mean?"

“I just… I don’t know. Everything is so uncertain, you know? It’s like…” You can’t finish, and keep trailing off, mind too far out to find the right words. You sigh, frustrated, and I bet your jaw is clenched or that you’re grinding your teeth. You make a few more attempts and while I listen, I can’t help you, so we lapse into a silence.

It’s a while before you look at me. I’m curious what I’ll find when I have your eyes, but am disappointed, because for once I can’t read them.

You’re worlds away, Iwa-chan. I want to say, “come back to me,” but for the life of me, I can’t say even a word. I blame you in the moment, because of that heaviness, but I blame myself now for not snapping you out of it. I don’t know how much it’d would have helped even if I could have. A slap may have worked better to shock you into a different state of mind. I don’t think a lot of people know just how much you think about things, and it’s the most dangerous thing for you to do. I like how you are, but I don’t like seeing you sink into a mental hell. 

“Don’t think too hard, Iwa-chan,” I say after an eternity, “You’ll strain yourself.”

You let out something in relation to a dry laugh and take a moment to collect an answer, “You can’t really talk, can you? All those girls… well, if they _knew_ there was nothing behind those looks…”

“Hey! That’s hardly fair.”

You shove me with your shoulder, and when I ask, “Does that mean I am as dashing as I think I am, Iwa-chan?” you completely push me away by a hand on my head and I’ve got a poorly suppressed smile out of you. Under normal circumstances the tension would completely dissolve, but it’s only half gone now.

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Assikawa. Anyway,” you look from me to the sky, which looks the same as it did a half hour ago. “It’s getting late.”

I offer to walk home with you. I don’t want to leave to you alone for any longer than I have to because of how uneasy I still feel. I want to know what’s going on with you. If I can’t just ask, I’ll have to see for myself. That means being closer to you than usually, and for as long as possible, I suppose. It’s not like I hadn’t already planned to do that anyway though.

What I hadn’t was such a silent walk to your house. It’s not uncomfortable so much as solitary, which is its own kind of unfamiliarity. I hate it. I hate it more than the tension we left at the park. _Why won’t you talk to me?_ I’m more offed than anything else when I lean against the wall by your front door. I stare at the door handle while you unlock it, stare at your hands when one leaves it to drag down you face with sigh, stare at your eyes while they obviously avoid me.

“Do you want - ”

“Why won’t you talk to me?” I say it clearly, because I don’t know if you’ll get it if I don’t. Part of me feels like you want me to ask you. The other part is exasperated. You know you can talk to me so why won’t you say anything? “ _Something’s_ wrong, obviously, but you won’t say a word.”

Your other hand slides off the door handle to hike your bag higher up on you shoulder; a redundant action. Are you actually so impatient?. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“I can see that much. I can see that it’s not good for you, either, but I can’t do anything if you don’t let me, Iwa-chan.”

“Leave it. I’m fine, alright?” 

“No.” I look at you, but it doesn’t make a difference because of how interesting the house number is to you. “Since when have you ever thought anything of star-gazing?”

“It doesn’t matter, Oikawa.” You turn your body away from me, stubborn as ever, and wait until I right myself from the wall before glancing back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I don’t want to wait until tomorrow to see you again. I don’t know if you’ll be alright. I should act now, when I know you aren’t. You’re the one who said everything was so uncertain, aren’t you? I probably should have tried to listen to you better,

but I start back. “Goodnight, Iwa-chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is greyravens.tumblr.com & i'm always a slut for iwaoi headcanons !!! thanks for reading <3


End file.
